The Altar Complex
by whodoyouthinkiamafrickincandy
Summary: Two teens have a curse spelled upon them after touching a blob that crashlanded in a parking lot. [The original version is edited to make it look like a story! This maybe having over one hundred chapters.]
1. Prologue

The Altar Complex Prologue

Note: I own Altar Complex and the characters, but the shows that are parodied aren't mine. Also, I am rewriting the story to make it look like a story rather than dialogue.

In a small town in New Jersey, there are two best friends named James McDermott and Devon Electra. They have nothing in common (well, they are both smart), except for one thing: they have been cursed with The Altar Complex: a curse which sends people to different places to make ingenious, weird, and awkward changes. Since then, a war started in New York City, until a farting cow stopped the war. I'll describe it.

James and Devon were walking out of school down to 7/11 when suddenly, a green blob-like form crash-landed in front of them. "What the hell?" Devon screamed. He is a Goth-like person who became an atheist when his mom died a few years ago. He tends to curse a lot and is a very not-so sweet person, but he is kind. He just doesn't show it. "Why would a blob hit in front of freaking 7/11?" James asked. James is a nice, Christian person who is smart and who passes technology class a lot. He tends to curse, too, and he saw his mom having sex. He has an evil sister named Cassie, who tries to kill, pisses off, and make life hard for James. His dad died when he was five, when Cassie threw her spoon against the pool ladder and her dad got hit in the head. James and Devon touched the blob with a pencil and suddenly, James and Devon disappeared.

James got sent to Beth's (James's crush) house when Beth was taking a shower. "What the- haven't you learned some manners?" Beth asked angrily. "Yeah, but somehow I couldn't…" James replied, slowing down his speech. Beth curved her hand into her fist and punched James hard in the stomach. James went out of the shower with soaking clothes and sprinted out of the house. Beth raised her right eyebrow, being suspicious about the situation.

Devon got sent to Madison Square Garden in New York City into the middle of a basketball game. Devon ran up to the hoop when a rival player dunked and kicked the player in the balls. He fell and saw the ball come out of the basket. Devon ran out and no one even cared or saw.

A few hours later, James and Devon went back to James's house to find out what is going on. "How are we going to know what will happen when we least expect it?" James asked. Devon replied, "I don't know… but I guess if _I_ had known from my perspective, then-" Suddenly, the news comes on. An anchorman said, "A Detroit Piston basketball player faints at a basketball game against the New York Knicks. He said that he was hit in the private during his dunk. He is sent to Liberty (I made that up) Hospital, where he is doing okay." James comments, "Okay, that was unexpected." "I know: me knocking his balls," Devon said. James turns his head with his jaws dropped down. "Holy crap."

The next chapter will be ahead four weeks into the future. Thank you for reading!


	2. Mystery Dungeon Breakout

The Altar Complex

Chapter I: Mystery Dungeon Breakout

Note: This chapter takes place four weeks after the curse is set upon the teens. I edited the story so good luck!

After four weeks from discovering the curse, James forgets about it and lives a more normal life. He wakes up at 5:40 A.M. and goes downstairs to have breakfast (which is Cocoa Puffs, randomly has a cereal each morning). Then he gets dressed, brushes his teeth and gets ready at 6:30 A.M. He has short, brown hair, green, sparkling eyes, a scar under his eye (from Cassie), a black tee with a zipper hood opened, blue jeans, and white and red sneakers. He grabs his backpack and heads out until his mom chimes in and says, "Haven't you used your deodorant, yet?" James quickly runs into his room and puts on some deodorant and heads out the door with a wave goodbye.

He meets up with Devon at the bus stop and talks about the conspiracy that happened a few weeks ago (the war in NYC). Devon replies, "I'm not convinced because cows were farting and crapping on the street." The bus arrives and James, Devon, and a group of kids get on the bus. A few seconds later, a bully comes up to Devon. "Hey, Goth! You suck! Ha-ha-ha!" A kid about sixteen years old insults. Devon replies, "I find your insult unreasonable and fricked up. You guys need to learn social time or you need to get laid and get the hell away from my classroom." Devon sighs and walks away. 'What an idiot,' he thought. James, on the other hand, sees Beth and sits next to her. "So, Beth," he started I heard you broke up with your boyfriend." "Yeah, I saw Chad losing his virginity to some popular girls," Beth answers. She has brown hair, blue eyes, and a white dress. She's not that popular, but she looks cute. James has a crush on her, ever since 8th grade. "Hey, maybe I can be your boyfriend?" James asks. "You want to go steady with me?" Beth asks. "Yes, I love you dearly, Beth," James answers. "Oh! And I love you too," Beth says, with tears of joy.

In school, James and Devon are taking a history test on Greece and Italy. Mrs. DeCaolo (their history teacher) stares at Devon while listening to her Apple iPod Nano. After the test, she grades the tests and gives them back. James, in excitement, jumps up and down because he got an A+. Devon, who doesn't care, also gets an A+.

After school, Devon studies for his math test, but during his time of studying, the phone rings. Devon picks up the phone and answers it. "You will die in seven days…" a voice calls through the phone. "…just kidding, Devon. So, are you busy?" Devon replies, "No, James, I'm not busy." James says, "Tonight, me, Beth, Tyson, and Eugene (Tyson and Eugene are James's back up friends) are going to the movies to see "Transformers". Wanna come?" "Yeah, alright," Devon replies. He hangs up and goes back to studying.

At 7:36 P.M., James, Devon, Beth, Tyson, and Eugene are in the car with James's mom. As they are driving, they sing the theme song to "That 70's Show" while dancing weirdly.In the middle of the movie, James talks about Cassie. "I heard that she is going to be watched by Snippop Yram," he whispered. "Thank God we're here rather than being with Cassie watching Pokemon Mystery Dungeon," Devon talks. "Yeah, that special really sucks!" Eugene says. "Yo, man. He's right," replies Tyson. The teens laugh until the screen freezes. Somehow, the screen turns into bursting light and pulls the teens through. The light disappears and the movie turns back on.

The teens woke up in a forest seeing everything oversized. "What happened?" Beth asked, disoriented. Eugene, however, shrugs his shoulders and walks over to the lake. (Eugene, as a human, looks like the nerd on the show, "The Replacements". Tyson looks like a black homey, but he is not in a gang. He is in the chess team.) "Hey, the lake's so clear than I can see myself! Yay!" Eugene blurts out. Devon pushes him out of the way and sees his reflection. "Damn, you're right-- wait a second, I'm a Cubone!" Devon says. Tyson exclaims, "Yo, man. He's right." Tyson looks and sees himself as a Squirtle. "Yo, man, I see myself. I look like a white," Tyson exclaims again. Beth walks over and sees herself as a Chikorita. "I'm green. I hate green," Beth comments. James finally, looks at himself, and says, "I have fur. Great." Eugene, however, is a Chimchar, but he says he's a gangster. "Are we monsters?" "Or man ladies?" "Or cartoons?" Everyone asks. "No!" A voice chimes in. "What?" Everyone asks again. "You're Pokemon, silly," a Meowth comes in the open. "What the hell?" Devon asks. "This is _sooooo _wrong," Beth said. "HOLY CRAP!" Meowth screams. "How do you don't know?" "We are humans, so people think we're eatable, but that is called _cannibalism_, and shouldn't be taken by stride," James explains. "By the way, I'm James. And these are my friends, Devon, Beth, Tyson, and Eugene." Meowth comments, "Some weird names." "Actually, we're people," Beth said. "Yo, man. She's right," Tyson agrees. "When the hell will you STOP saying that?!" Devon asks. Tyson answers, "Nobody knows, except your mother." Devon opens his eyes. 'That just went out the wrong time,' James thought. Meowth interrupts the explaining and says, "Hey, Pikachu- I mean, James, do you have anything to do?" James looks around his new body and screams. "Damn Cassie!"

A few minutes later, Meowth leads the group to the headquarters and shows them the building. "Man, you work on this too early," Beth comments. Meowth stares angrily at Beth. "Who cares?" Meowth asks. A group of hands, uh, paws, rise up. '(Bleep) me,' Meowth thought. They come into the living room and have some coffee. "Mmm… what is this?" James asks. "Oh, it's some coffee from Starbucks," Meowth replies, in a better attitude. James spits the coffee out. "So, I want to make a rescue team," Meowth declares. "Oh, hell no!" Eugene interrupts. "If you don't, I will rip your memories with this Memory Manager," the cat-like Pokemon threatened the teens. "Alright, we'll do it. But is the police better?" Eugene agrees on the plan. "What are the police?" Meowth asks. "Never mind about that. We'll do it for the llamas… and James's mom," Tyson said. Finally, they became Rescue Team I'm a Wiener. They went off to Pelipper Post Office for rescue jobs.

Meanwhile, at a pond, a Pichu cries hysterical because she lost her virginity to a housekeeper. Whiscash, a fish-like Pokemon, comforts him and says, "It's okay, a rescue team can stop those pedophiles on the internet." "They met me at hello," the Pichu said in a massively high pitch (which is his kind of pitch). "Well, you should of called Geico," Whiscash declared. While watching, Lombre, Bellsprout, and Granbull were sipping some Slurpees. Pichu cried and screamed curses. When he screamed so loud, Team I'm a Wiener came in. "We're Team I'm a Wiener at your service," Meowth introduced. "I'm a Wiener?" Whiscash asked. The Pokemon laughed so hard that a group of tall Pokemon crashed in. "We're Team Meanies and-" Gengar said, but interrupting was Devon. "Meanies isn't a (bleep) ing word, you idiot!" "Who gives a crap?" Gengar askes with a chesire smile. The other Pokemon on the team were Medichum and Ekans and they nodded no. "Whatever. You guys can just go, because you have a penis and I have a vagina," Whiscash declared. Everyone ran away from Whiscash. "Was it something I said?" Whiscash asked.

The team (which they changed the name) tried to buy supplies on the trip, but everybody who owned a store was too lazy because Gengar was a lawyer. Devon was pissed that he stole an Oran berry from a store. "What is it?" Beth asked. "It's an Oran berry. It gives you super energy and it let's you go on the World Wide Web!" Meowth explained. "I thought it was a steroid," James commented. Fifteen minutes later, they got to the cave called Rekcuf Cave. "I am so bored," Eugene groaned. He then says bored a lot like Billy from The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy. "Well if you brought your Nintendo DS Lite you wouldn't be so bored," James told Eugene. "Yo, man. He's right," Tyson agrees. Devon pulled out a shotgun, but holds fire because he didn't want to get sued. They went through the cave and saw Bobs (that new-fu guy from an episode of Teen Titans) sleeping, along with Michael Jackson, sleeping with an Aang (from Avatar: The Last Airbender) action figure. "You said there are no humans here. You know: this is a human-_free_ world," Beth told Meowth. "Yo, man. She's right," Tyson agrees again. Meowth growls under his breath and pumps a vein. He attacks Tyson and makes him faint. "That was my idea," Devon said. Suddenly, all the Bobs and Jackson turned into cows and started mooing, with the Michael Jackson cow being the loudest. Suddenly, everyone ran out, and the cave collapsed.

They arrived in front of a two-story house with a sign saying, "The Humiliated Family (this is making fun of The Proud Family)". They enter and get locked in a cage. Team Meanies comes out and laughs. "You (bleep) ing idiot!" Devon screamed that he did a rollout on Gengar. A car then crashes in the house and runs over Team Meanies (it's seriously not a word). No one was driving in it, so the car crashed off the cliff. Team Diamond then went back home and explained everything to Whiscash. Then Whiscash smiles, turns into an old man and starts dancing idiotically. "You won because Team Meanies died in a fatal car accident, and because Gengar is a lawyer," Whiscash declared. "Thank God," Devon said in relief. A portal showed up and the teenagers went back home.

James wakes up back home in his bed at six in the morning and realized that it's time for the math test. He then runs, but trips on a rescue team badge and a letter that says:

DUMBASS!

From, Meowth

James then gets ready for school. At school, James takes his test and aces it: A+. Devon, however, got a B+ because he studied because the teacher hated Devon. After that, the boys went back to Devon's house, but get locked in. The TV turns on with Gengar on the screen. "James and Devon, you are so idiotic. I want to play a game. You both are breathing in a deadly gas. You have 120 seconds to get the antidote outside, or you die. Let the game begin," Gengar says in Jigsaw's voice. James gets the key, unlocks the door, heads outside with Devon, and drinks the antidote. The time passed 120 seconds, and the boys finally got the deadly gas out of them. Suddenly, Devon's house explodes, with the air smelling like a hundred horse's butts. James and Devon then go to James's house to settle in. James then gets the rescue team badge, scans it, and realizes that Gengar wrote the letter. "You screw off!" James screams.

The next chapter is History Geeks: about James and Devon being sent back in time because of Cassie. The chapter will be coming July 25, 2007. Until then, goodbye!


End file.
